The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
