we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
