who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
