how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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