I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
