Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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