didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
