Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
