Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
