4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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