you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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