pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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