At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
