My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
