I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's official drugs can't kill me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
