Did you just see the Batmobile???
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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