That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
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[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
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It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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