Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
