you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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