dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
