I cockslap morals
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
