i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
