Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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