Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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