you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
