I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's shark week go big or go home
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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