i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
