i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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