Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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