The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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