Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
