For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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