is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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