I'm drive I can fine osifer
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
