oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
