How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
