I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
