We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
