I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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