Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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