you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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