My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
