I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
