I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
