I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
