Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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