Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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