I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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