I looked at my own cervix.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
