No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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