we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
