Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm at about main and main street
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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