Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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