she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
