U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
