When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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