I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
