I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
