well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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