I CAN MOONWALK!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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