I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
