after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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