clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
